The Conversation Hog

Do you scramble to make sure your voice is heard or your idea is expressed? Must you be the first to share a thought? Get a laugh? Or be heard above the rest?

At a lunch honoring another staff member, the guest of honor sat silent—mostly listening. Why, I wondered? Then I realized every time she began to speak, she was cut off by others.

After a conversation whose voice do you hear? A better question might be, what did you learn about another person? If you leave a discussion only knowing what you said, it could be that you are a conversation hog. Oink, oink! What you say matters, but so do the thoughts of others. Might they have stories to tell, profound thoughts, or insights?

In conversations, do you seek to know someone or to be known? It’s tempting to craft what you will say while someone else is speaking. This limits your ability to listen. We need to withstand the urge to tell every detail of every experience. Give the highlights.

My first husband, Keith, had an uncle that drew people to himself. Not by an understanding of how amazing he was, but by how amazing he made others feel in his presence. His stream of questions and honest curiosity left you feeling like you were the most interesting person around. He blessed you with the gift of thoughtful listening.

There are many ways to serve others. One of the easiest ways is to listen. Who can you honor by listening today? At your next conversation, without the others knowing, seek to listen more than you talk. Seek to ask questions more than you give answers. Seek to honor more than you are honored. Sacrifice your words for the words of others.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:9-10 NIV).